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Hate is a strong word.


Did you ever hear someone say, "We need to stop bullying!" and wonder to yourself, when you have ever seen a stereotypical bully with big muscles and a black, ripped-up leather jacket pushing around smaller kids and stealing their lunch money?

Realizing this is obviously corny and unrealistic, you throw this idea away in the sewer where it belongs.

But then who are these bullies that everyone is talking about? It seems very interesting that bullying has (as they say) become such a very big problem nowadays... Hence the inspirational phrases, "haters gonna hate," and "don't judge," coming into popularity.
But again, which bullies are everyone referring to?

I'm not writing this to say that bullies don't exist. I'm not writing this to offend victims. I know bullying exists. You could say I'm merely writing this to make fun of "fake" bullies and "fake" victims. Nothing I say in this will absolutely hold true in every (if indeed, most) situations of bullying. I'm only here to point out that some of you may not actually be being bullied at all. Hopefully you will be able to tell after reading this.

First of all, does the bully actually hate you? Nowadays, people who are trying to be smart might point out how the word "love" is thrown around. Correct as they are, they still forget to mention the other word that gets thrown around equally as much (if not more) than love. That word is "hate."

"I'm sick of you hating on me!"

"Don't let the haters get to you."

"I'm sick of all the hate."

Stop for a minute. Let's think about what hate means. We often use it to mean "dislike" (I dislike/hate pepperoni). If you want to do that, okay. Let's see what happens when we substitute.

"I'm sick of you disliking on me!"

"Don't let the dislikers get to you."

"I'm sick of all the dislike."

Hmm. It doesn't have the same effect, does it? It seems evident that when we say "hate," we are in fact referring to something that goes a little deeper than mere dislike.

I've heard hate described as wishing someone ill, which makes a little more sense.
When you love someone, you can dislike certain things about that person (is it even possible to like everything about anyone?) and still love them by treating them well anyway. It only makes sense that hate would be the opposite. Perhaps the hater secretly admires things about the person they hate, but treats them ill anyway.

Going by this definition, I would like to elminate the idea that perfectly innocent people are haters. Too many times, I've seen teenage girls crying "bully" and "hater" about people that they themselves have (ironically) judged too quickly and too harshly.

A classic example are people who disagree with you about something. Perhaps to your face, perhaps not. Disagreeing is not hating by any means (when done so respectfully, of course). And no, respectful doesn't mean they have to agree to disagree either. Perhaps they're just trying to change your mind because they think something is best for you. Regardless of whether they're mistaken or not, these are good intentions, not ill, and not hate by any means.

Demonizing people for having different ideas than you is a tactic too often used by people looking for sympathy. They use other people as tools, calling them "bullies," to make themselves seem like bigger victims, when in fact the only bullies are in their own head (or consequently, is themself).

Sometimes I read statuses on Facebook and wonder if some people sit around all day, waiting for something bad to happen and then think, "Oh, good! Something to make people feel sorry for me!" If that's your hobby, then that's already one dumb thing to do... If you're abusing other people for it, that's yet another.

Odds are, when these people say they're being bullied, they're not referring to being beaten up by the guy with the skull t-shirt. More often they're talking about that nice, friendly girl who you happen to know would never purposely hurt anyone (because they made a stupid joke about nerds or something). They're talking about that well-intentioned boy who they happen to know doesn't agree with their actions for whatever reasons (usually more reasonable ones than assumed or portrayed by the accuser).

It can sometimes be like living in a backwards world where the "victims" bully the "bullies" instead of it being the other way around. I've seen so-called victims blow up at people who literally go out of their way to be as loving and gracious as possible.

No, your dad doesn't hate you for telling you not to do something. He's obviously doing it for the opposite reason, idiot.

Even people you think are extreme might just be trying to help you. Be nice to them, then. Explain your side respectfully, then. Don't call hater and then cop out just because that's what society encourages us to do.

Hear people out. Both sides, not just the "victim's." Be kind to them. Stop talking behind their backs; indirectly or otherwise. Never use people for your own image. They're not stepping stones, and this egotistical culture never calls us out for using them that way.
Life isn't a big game about proving your personality; how great you are, how deep you are, how mysterious/funny/random/poor/miserable/sickly/pathetic/wonderful/sad/any-adjective-you-want you are... It's not about twisting the world to compliment yourself. ESPECIALLY not twisting other people.

That said, sure there are real bullies out there. There's real hate out there. I'm not going to bother making fun of it right now. It makes fun of itself. Right now I just want to ask you to let the things that were said above to sink in. Thank you for reading, I felt it needed to be said.

EDIT: Side thought

Even in cases of "legitimate bullying," think about how much the person doing the bullying is worth taking seriously or getting miserable about. I've seen people fly off the handle because of immature comments by nine year olds. Really, if the person is bullying in the first place, they're obviously not (being) that deep in the first place, no matter what.
I think it's safe to say, just don't be a drama queen and you'll be fine. Just don't be one of those girls who lives to post about their misery on Facebook for attention.
Don't look for bullies under every rock or your misery just might be self-imposed.
I've met people who WANT to be victims.

"I say I'm fine, but I'm dying inside. I fake a smile, but nobody knows how I feel," said the teenage girl as she posted this on Facebook, thus defeating the meaning of being a tragic hero in any way, shape or form whatsoever.

You can easily forgive your brother for making a joke, that random lady in the store who thought you were a guy, or some idiot who made a careless comment on a whim that odds are they weren't really putting their heart into anyway. Gee, it's almost like you don't WANT to get over it. Oh wait...

Someone once said something that has always stuck with me, and I believe it's because things that ring with truth naturally do. She was talking about how she used to be depressed, and how she got over it. She said that she had been too focused on herself. She said something to the effect of, "even my negative thoughts were all about myself. It was always about me, me, me," but once she TRULY stopped obsessing over herself (and that didn't just mean not saying good things about herself), that was when her life felt more meaningful. And that's something that's really powerful to think about.

Again, I do believe in legitimate instances of bullying where this is not the case. However, there are plenty of drama-seeking people who abuse others to make themselves look deeper, and they seldom get called out. That's all I wanted to do here.
WHAT YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN HATERS BUT I WAS BULLIED IN HIGHSCHOOL AND FHFIEFWHIFWHFVWNJJHIWEGahdiasHAJDHjhbhdJ!!!
....Just read the deviation.

"When your hobby is feeling sorry for yourself, even the holiest saint can seem like a bully." ~ my great, great, great, great, great indian chief grandfather


See my deviations about Mary Sues and writing:
How Not to Tell a Story: makingfunofstuff.deviantart.co…
the Problem with Self-Inserts: makingfunofstuff.deviantart.co…
List of common cliches in stories: makingfunofstuff.deviantart.co…
the Real Definition of Mary Sue: makingfunofstuff.deviantart.co…
Common Problems with Stories Written by Teenagers: makingfunofstuff.deviantart.co…
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
The sad part is the most common form of bullying isn't pushing a kid down, or stealing his money, or calling him names.  Nowadays, it's simple matter of saying "I disagree" to the wrong person.
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Truth!
Especially if you're religious. Than you're a hateful, self-righteous bully who thinks they're going to hell. I really don't think there are as many people like that as some wish to believe o_O
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Actually, on the subject of religion, it's funny how those who want stricter filtering to avoid seeing the ridiculous amount of so called "nude art" on DA are prudish slut-shamers, yet if you support organizations like the FFRF and American Atheist who throw lawsuits at anyone displaying anything that even remotely looks religious (see: www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/… ) and try to push religion into the darkest corners of society, then you're somehow standing up for people's basic, constitutional rights.  (It's funny because the only thing the constitution guarantees is the right to practice religion, if you so choose, and that there can't be any government-sanctioning of religion like there is in Europe (i.e. the religion is run by the government)).

Also, about what you said here: "I really don't think there are as many people like that (saying everyone is going to Hell) as some wish to believe".  The truth is that this comes from the stereotype of the fire and brimstone puritans whose sermons were almost always about how God was this angry being just waiting for you to slip up so He could send you to Hell.  This practice is actually still said by certain protestant groups.  The problem with this line of thinking isn't so much that Hell is a danger, but the breaking of the rule "Don't judge lest ya be judged".

I bring this up because, like bullying, love and hate, the word "judge" is also a word that is misused constantly.  Anytime someone says they disagree with something like homosexual marriage or feminism, they are immediately repeated the line (which the "bullied" themselves are deaf to).  It's funny, really, because the line actually refers to telling people they will go to Hell (a judgement no human is competent enough to make, which also applies to anyone saying that someone will go to Heaven).  You literally can't BE without judging things.  If you go to the market and buy one apple because another apple looks rotten, you've passed judgement on the bad apple.  If you had treated the bad apple as you would the good apple, your stomach would be kicking you for it.

Sorry for the wall of text. XD;;
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
I agree with all that. I like big walls of text. XD

It's also pretty annoying when you're arguing with someone, and they say "those are just your religious convictions" First of all, why do people have "religious convictions?" Because their religion had a reason for it, and they happen to agree with that reason hence making them a follower of that religion. Usually it's when you're trying to explain those reasons that people lazily write you off as "just following those old pointless religious convictions," and shut you out. I mean, maybe there are people who "act like sheep," but in my opinion it's NOT the majority, and saying that is kind of ignorant when you won't even listen to what they have to say.

I also completely agree with what you said about judging. That line is taken SO out of context. People who quote it never seem to remember that the Bible also specifically tells us to "judge with right judgment." If someone looks suspicious, I'm staying the heck away from them, for example. It's not about shutting down our common sense, it's about how we never know if someone is going to Hell or not. Furthermore, if someone is really doing something wrong, it's not judging the state of their soul to explain to them that the action their doing is wrong in itself. To love is to will the good of the beloved, not let them carry on making mistakes because they think it's alright.

There seem to be a lot of cop out lines society will throw out, like: "Don't judge." "You're afraid of change." "You're just jealous," to name a few.



 
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
"Furthermore, if someone is really doing something wrong, it's not judging the state of their soul to explain to them that the action their doing is wrong in itself."

That's absolutely correct.  The most you can say is, "If you keep that up, you may end up in Hell".  That's pretty much the furthest someone can go when it comes to discussing someone's soul possibly being eternally damned.  It's a shame most people don't get this.

Also, I'm curious as to what you think of this: comments.deviantart.com/1/4388… Figured t might generate a laugh.
Reply
:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
And in the first place, if somebody actually did say, "I don't want you to do that because you could possibly go to Hell," what's really so scandalous about it? They're showing concern for you. It would be one thing if they said, "Haha, you're going to Hell!" and wanted them to, but do people really do that all the time? Weird how I've never witnessed it.
Someone actually told me that they didn't want me to be Catholic because they didn't want me to go to Hell (they were protestant). It didn't offend me, I just talked to them about what I believed and why. Point being, it really doesn't have to be offensive anyway unless you want it to be. :roll: Wouldn't it be kind of mean on my part to blow up at them when they just want to help? It's not like I have to agree with them.


Lol, geez. I hate people who call strawman and purposely miss the point. It's not a strawman if you're giving an example of their logic, not saying they're literally doing the thing in the example. :facepalm: People do that to me all the time too. >_<
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
"I just talked to them about what I believed and why."

You did the right thing doing that.  Blowing up at them wouldn't have accomplished a thing and you would have been a terrible example of yourself/Catholicism.

Ugh, I know...  It's just one of many excuses to avoid debate while simultaneously declaring "I win. HA!".
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014
Haha. Well, good luck with people like that. 

Just keep sticking to the basic truth without all the drama and distractions. That's all that really counts.
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(1 Reply)
:iconwhitewolf977:
Whitewolf977 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Student Digital Artist
You know, this is the kind of concept that's inspiring me to write a novel of my own. It's kind of a spin off the "magical youth with great destinies" trope only the main character is fourteen and uses her power in horribly, horribly irresponsible ways.

You see, she was born with powerful psychic vision (powerful enough to see angels in their normal state without her eyes burning out of her skull) and she thinks she should be put on a pedestal for it. However, the majority of the school population either don't care or they poke some occasional fun at her. She makes a victim out of herself because she's so "special" and "nobody respects her waaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" So, she makes a deal with an incredibly snarky demon so that she can place curses on her "bullies". Really, most of the people she curses are just a bunch of dorks who like to watch horror movies after school. In the end the only real bully is her. So, do you think that'd be interesting?
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
I would so read this.
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:iconwhitewolf977:
Whitewolf977 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Student Digital Artist
You... would???

Oh god! My ego's gonna explode! :iconblushplz:
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
XD Glad to be of service.
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:iconwhitewolf977:
Whitewolf977 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Do you think I should post the first chapter on DA?
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:iconmetalshadowoverlord:
MetalShadowOverlord Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014
Sure! :D
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014
That would be brilliant!
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:iconwhitewolf977:
Whitewolf977 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Yay! I was mostly inspired by myself when I was fourteen. I'd better write it down while those memories of awkwardness are still fresh. :D
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:iconode-to-pizza:
ode-to-pizza Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014
Sooo...you gonna post it? Sounds like a great idea.
Reply
:iconwhitewolf977:
Whitewolf977 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Student Digital Artist
I posted the first three chapters so far and an excerpt on my page. It's called Effegia and it's still a rough work in progress. Basically I'm throwing excerpts at the wall and seeing what sticks for future chapters for now, but you're more than free to read what I've got for now.

Just to warn you, the first couple of chapters are just backstory. The angsty, teenage awfulness doesn't rear its ugly head until chapter 3.
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:iconkiliann:
Kiliann Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Student Writer
Ah, updates! I decided to re-read and I like it even more. It's great and it really hits home because you see so many people being all like "I'm so judged by society" and really they're not. They just want sympathy so they act like a victim and it's just the dumbest thing ever.
Agree in all points.
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014
Thank you!
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:iconhalfblooddragon:
HalfBloodDragon Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Student Filmographer
This is excellent, and has needed to be said for a long while. 

Well-written, loved it. 
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:iconguei-girl:
Guei-Girl Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
I support people who get help and want to become stronger, instead of choosing to be stupid, weak doormats who have to have a knight in shining armor wipe their butt for them. There is a difference between having a weakness and flaws, and being a whiny, wishy-washy, useless, waste of space. I just think it's sad that society is teaching kids to be dumb, wimpy and useless. Whatever happened to standing up for yourself all of the sudden?
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
It's not so much that they want to have a knight in shining armor, I think they are just trying to prove something (maybe to themselves) about how they're really a tragic hero themselves somehow. It is a pretty useless way to act, I agree.
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:iconguei-girl:
Guei-Girl Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2013
Same here. I think it is dumb.
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:iconrottencanidz:
RottenCanidz Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I agree.
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:iconjosh123313:
Josh123313 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013
Doesn't make very much sense to me, it's not easy to tell who the bullies are anymore, and I know bullies exist since I was bullied in Elementary school, now I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me since I'm over it, 1st day in this new school a kid says to me "Hey, let's be buddies," the next day, for no reason whatsoever he says, "Get away from me," and most of the kids follow suit and bullied me until 6th grade when I moved back to where I was originally.
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:iconjosh123313:
Josh123313 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013
nevermind the rant, it just gets my goat everytime there's a rant like this. Mostly because I've never met anyone who claimed to be a victim just to get revenge or something, the closest thing was when this guy took my book and said to the teacher was that he was trying to read and I was disturbing him, but after that he apologized and we're pretty good friends now.
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:iconkiliann:
Kiliann Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Student Writer
I think what they're talking about here is those dumb teenagers who are all like "haters gonna hate" and act like they're such victims of judgment from society when in reality they're regular people with lots of great friends and they have literally no reason to be complaining.
This rant is completely not about the real bullying you've experienced. The bullying they do address at the end is mostly about verbal bullying and things where the victim is the one making everything hurtful (the bully says "lol u suck" over chat and the victim actually lets the comment disturb them)

So yeah—this is just about people who aren't getting bullied and act like some tragic victim when honestly they're just acting like society judges them a lot. They're all like "I may be smiling but I'm dying inside" just to make people feel bad for them.
Surely you've seen these attention-wanting people before? So no the rant isn't really on bullying, it's just about those who act like they're being bullied for sympathy. At least, that's my understanding of it.
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:iconsumgie1:
sumgie1 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2013
An interesting essay. I never thought about this. And it does make sense to me. :)
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2013
Thanks!
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:iconkarda4124:
Karda4124 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Everybody wants to be the victim, nobody wants to be the villain.
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:iconcheesepuff25:
CheesePuff25 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013
Yes, not all people that say that they're bullied ar actually bullied but then there are people that suffer and are not taken seriously. It's difficult to draw a line because people react very differently.
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:icondim432:
Dim432 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013   Writer
Hears one, be like the Hero The Puisher that kills a lot of bullies
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:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
That said, I emphatically agree with your thesis. There is now a surplus of professional victims running around, distracting society from focusing on more important matters. Take child poverty for example; according to UNICEF's 2013 report, the US ranks 34th in a table of relative child poverty, out of 35 economically advanced countries. It's not the bullies stealing lunch money we need to worry about, it's making sure children actually have lunch money to begin with...
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:iconshimmeroflightning:
ShimmerOfLightning Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Yeah, I don't believe people truly "hate" anything. It's really just an expression and/or they're being drama kings/queens. I do believe in bullying, since I did experience it in middle school. Literally, I did absolutely nothing to these guys or anyone they knew, and they decided to bully me because they were jealous of me just because I was in the same math class as them and I was younger than them. I don't believe they hated me, but yes they were acting like the typical bully, putting down someone younger or smaller than them just because they could or because they envied something about me.

I'm not saying I hate them. I've forgiven them and I'm actually pretty good friends with two of them now! But that idea of hate and bullies... there's no real image of a bully, since any person can be one. The guys who bullied me were math whizzes like I am! That's far from a muscular black-leather buff dude (yes some of them played sports but none of them wore leather) that is the typical image of a bully. Gossip, cyberbullying, throwing someone against a locker (I've seen them all) is all bullying, and can be portrayed by anyone.

Yeah, I was bullied, but I don't hold a grudge against it or the people who bullied me. I don't feel sorry for myself, because bullying happens to a lot of people. Nobody can act like they're the only one who's been through it... Cuz that's just a big fat lie.

Geez I'm ranting... sowwy! I go now //rolls away
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:iconsketchris:
sketchris Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This was very eye-opening and inspiring. 

I believe that America has and egotistical and cynical culture that I once was a part of myself. I've grown to hate it. I used to be a person who WANTED to be a victim too. I lived off pity. I'm still learning not to. In the words of my friend ~TehRedBlur, "Everyone's a victim [in America]" though I believe this could apply to anyone with that particular mindset. 

In my opinion, the best tactic would NOT be to do all this "STOP BULYING BLUH BLUH BLUH" but really TARGET how we should change our attitudes, learn to defend/stand up for ourselves and others properly, and hell learn to be a DECENT HUMAN BEING for christ's sake. We spend too much time hating on bullies and haters and rapists and 'assholes' to realize how naive we're being to the reality of how easily we can become one of those ourselves if we're not careful.

Sorry for the rant. Again, very awe-inspiring and thank you for sharing your insight.
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:iconshimmeroflightning:
ShimmerOfLightning Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Student Digital Artist
lol dude we both ranted XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
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:icontehredblur:
TehRedBlur Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Respond to hate with love, and watch your haters wither and die.
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:iconshimmeroflightning:
ShimmerOfLightning Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Exactly. I do that, and the guys (minus the one who led the bullying) are nice to me, and have actually asked me for help in math at times...
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:icontehredblur:
TehRedBlur Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Good for you.  That is excellent, truly.  People have tried to bully me in the past, but they all soon left me alone due to my noted lack of fear.  I have a lot of critics, however, to whom I have nothing but apathy.  As far as I'm concerned, they're just wasting their energy.

I usually try to show love to these people, but I normally just don't associate with them at all.
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:iconreadingpower:
Readingpower Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013
I agree with all of this, but at the same time, I have seen people tell another to kill themselves.
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:iconmakingfunofstuff:
MakingFunOfStuff Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013
You're right, I do believe in legitimate cases of bullying.
Sometimes people say that out of complete stupidity though, and they're not worth taking seriously. My point is that sometimes our misery is self-imposed. Not always though, I agree.
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:iconfinland1010:
Finland1010 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013
That was amazing
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:iconweekendhunters:
weekendhunters Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. That was a really well done essay. I agree that the word "Hate" is easily thrown around nowadays, regardless of the context of the situation itself. It does seem that part of it is due to the acquired need of acknowledgement, especially in social media, and the best way to get acknowledgement is by acting (or thinking) that you've been victimized, and voila, instant sympathy and recognition.
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