Hate is a strong word.
Did you ever hear someone say, "We need to stop bullying!" and wonder to yourself, when you have ever seen a stereotypical bully with big muscles and a black, ripped-up leather jacket pushing around smaller kids and stealing their lunch money?
Realizing this is obviously corny and unrealistic, you throw this idea away in the sewer where it belongs.
But then who are these bullies that everyone is talking about? It seems very interesting that bullying has (as they say) become such a very big problem nowadays... Hence the inspirational phrases, "haters gonna hate," and "don't judge," coming into popularity.
But again, which bullies are everyone referring to?
I'm not writing this to say that bullies don't exist. I'm not writing this to offend victims. I know bullying exists. You could say I'm merely writing this to make fun of "fake" bullies and "fake" victims. Nothing I say in this will absolutely hold true in every (if indeed, most) situations of bullying. I'm only here to point out that some of you may not actually be being bullied at all. Hopefully you will be able to tell after reading this.
First of all, does the bully actually hate you? Nowadays, people who are trying to be smart might point out how the word "love" is thrown around. Correct as they are, they still forget to mention the other word that gets thrown around equally as much (if not more) than love. That word is "hate."
"I'm sick of you hating on me!"
"Don't let the haters get to you."
"I'm sick of all the hate."
Stop for a minute. Let's think about what hate means. We often use it to mean "dislike" (I dislike/hate pepperoni). If you want to do that, okay. Let's see what happens when we substitute.
"I'm sick of you disliking on me!"
"Don't let the dislikers get to you."
"I'm sick of all the dislike."
Hmm. It doesn't have the same effect, does it? It seems evident that when we say "hate," we are in fact referring to something that goes a little deeper than mere dislike.
I've heard hate described as wishing someone ill, which makes a little more sense.
When you love someone, you can dislike certain things about that person (is it even possible to like everything about anyone?) and still love them by treating them well anyway. It only makes sense that hate would be the opposite. Perhaps the hater secretly admires things about the person they hate, but treats them ill anyway.
Going by this definition, I would like to elminate the idea that perfectly innocent people are haters. Too many times, I've seen teenage girls crying "bully" and "hater" about people that they themselves have (ironically) judged too quickly and too harshly.
A classic example are people who disagree with you about something. Perhaps to your face, perhaps not. Disagreeing is not hating by any means (when done so respectfully, of course). And no, respectful doesn't mean they have to agree to disagree either. Perhaps they're just trying to change your mind because they think something is best for you. Regardless of whether they're mistaken or not, these are good intentions, not ill, and not hate by any means.
Demonizing people for having different ideas than you is a tactic too often used by people looking for sympathy. They use other people as tools, calling them "bullies," to make themselves seem like bigger victims, when in fact the only bullies are in their own head (or consequently, is themself).
Sometimes I read statuses on Facebook and wonder if some people sit around all day, waiting for something bad to happen and then think, "Oh, good! Something to make people feel sorry for me!" If that's your hobby, then that's already one dumb thing to do... If you're abusing other people for it, that's yet another.
Odds are, when these people say they're being bullied, they're not referring to being beaten up by the guy with the skull t-shirt. More often they're talking about that nice, friendly girl who you happen to know would never purposely hurt anyone (because they made a stupid joke about nerds or something). They're talking about that well-intentioned boy who they happen to know doesn't agree with their actions for whatever reasons (usually more reasonable ones than assumed or portrayed by the accuser).
It can sometimes be like living in a backwards world where the "victims" bully the "bullies" instead of it being the other way around. I've seen so-called victims blow up at people who literally go out of their way to be as loving and gracious as possible.
No, your dad doesn't hate you for telling you not to do something. He's obviously doing it for the opposite reason, idiot.
Even people you think are extreme might just be trying to help you. Be nice to them, then. Explain your side respectfully, then. Don't call hater and then cop out just because that's what society encourages us to do.
Hear people out. Both sides, not just the "victim's." Be kind to them. Stop talking behind their backs; indirectly or otherwise. Never use people for your own image. They're not stepping stones, and this egotistical culture never calls us out for using them that way.
Life isn't a big game about proving your personality; how great you are, how deep you are, how mysterious/funny/random/poor/miserable/sickly/pathetic/wonderful/sad/any-adjective-you-want you are... It's not about twisting the world to compliment yourself. ESPECIALLY not twisting other people.
That said, sure there are real bullies out there. There's real hate out there. I'm not going to bother making fun of it right now. It makes fun of itself. Right now I just want to ask you to let the things that were said above to sink in. Thank you for reading, I felt it needed to be said.
EDIT: Side thought
Even in cases of "legitimate bullying," think about how much the person doing the bullying is worth taking seriously or getting miserable about. I've seen people fly off the handle because of immature comments by nine year olds. Really, if the person is bullying in the first place, they're obviously not (being) that deep in the first place, no matter what.
I think it's safe to say, just don't be a drama queen and you'll be fine. Just don't be one of those girls who lives to post about their misery on Facebook for attention.
Don't look for bullies under every rock or your misery just might be self-imposed.
I've met people who WANT to be victims.
"I say I'm fine, but I'm dying inside. I fake a smile, but nobody knows how I feel," said the teenage girl as she posted this on Facebook, thus defeating the meaning of being a tragic hero in any way, shape or form whatsoever.
You can easily forgive your brother for making a joke, that random lady in the store who thought you were a guy, or some idiot who made a careless comment on a whim that odds are they weren't really putting their heart into anyway. Gee, it's almost like you don't WANT to get over it. Oh wait...
Someone once said something that has always stuck with me, and I believe it's because things that ring with truth naturally do. She was talking about how she used to be depressed, and how she got over it. She said that she had been too focused on herself. She said something to the effect of, "even my negative thoughts were all about myself. It was always about me, me, me," but once she TRULY stopped obsessing over herself (and that didn't just mean not saying good things about herself), that was when her life felt more meaningful. And that's something that's really powerful to think about.
Again, I do believe in legitimate instances of bullying where this is not the case. However, there are plenty of drama-seeking people who abuse others to make themselves look deeper, and they seldom get called out. That's all I wanted to do here.